I finally figured out the reason why mom mother hasn’t been
working or pushing herself to better than what she is today. On February 25,
1988 my mother had birthed my sister Raecole Deanee’ Garvey. But, she later
passed 3 days before my mother’s birthday which would was June 3, 1988. After
my sister passed my mother stopped working for the military a few months later.
By my mother losing a child I felt like this pushed her to what she is today.
But, can you blame her at all?
Although my mother did have 3 more of us after her loss of
the first child, it still had a major effect on her and probably always will.
But, can you blame her at all? I mean it is nothing like waiting 9 months for your
first child to come and losing the baby 4 months later. This is really what
hurt my mother the most.
Last week my mother and I sat down and had a good long
conversation about why she was not working and what was really keeping her from
working for all these years that have passed. She told by losing her first
child it got her so depressed that she just wanted to give up on life which is
why she stopped working for the military which is why she in the predicament she
is in today and that is why she is homeless now. But, can you blame her at all?
Now that I think about it, by my mother basically giving up
on life and not caring anymore I feel as though she gave on me and my brothers.
We weren’t as stable as we were supposed to be or could have been. If my mother
did have a job I believe we wouldn’t have had much of a financial struggle as
we did. But, after losing a child can you blame her at all?
You know what is amazing about this post? The truth. You found out why your mom has struggled with homelessness: depression. Horrible depression brought on by the loss of a child. Before I had my own daughter a year and a half ago, I might not have understood what horrible, debilitating depression would be in the loss of a child. I think now I do.
ReplyDeleteYour repetition "can you blame her" really works here. It's powerful and it focuses on the the loss. Your argument is valid as well. There is truth in that your mother had three children she didn't lose, and yet look at the loss that the depression and homelessness has brought on everyone in your family.
The question is: what to do now? Has your mom sought treatment for depression? Has she been hospitalized? How much do you and your brothers/father reasonably do for her. That is, do you yourself have limits? These are issues to explore and directly relate to the topic. I wish you great luck in searching for more answers.
I think this is a great post! It really makes me think of why people are the way they are. I also believe that the person that you lose also affects the way that you are. For example: If ones lost their parent they are going to look at life as what my parents would have wanted me to do with my life. If one lost their child they are going to be extremely devastated and not have as much determination. I also think that women take the loss of children worse than men because of the bond that instantly happens from carrying the child around for 9 months.
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